Tuesday Rewind: An Open Letter to Pastors
Jan 31, 2012 Tuesday Rewind
On some Tuesdays, I go back into the archives and dig up something that still relates today. For the next 5 weeks, I am going to repost the Top 5 Posts from 2011. Today’s post is #1 and it comes from February 21, 2011. I am so glad this was the most popular post on my blog last year, because it was by far my favorite and the one I felt most passionate about while writing it.
During the course of Riv’s current series on 1 Timothy, I am blogging about stuff I can’t get to during the weekend services. Today, I am posting an open letter to my brothers who pastor in Jesus’ church around the world. This is going to be a longer post than normal but I feel like I have to address something and it’s going to take more than a few words to do so.
Speak to younger men as brothers…and younger women as sisters–with complete purity.-1 Timothy 5:1-2
Brothers-
I received an email yesterday that literally made me feel like I was going to puke. It was a friend of mine telling me a mutual friend had fallen into sexual sin with a member of his church staff and he was going to leave his family and move in with the other woman. This is the second of my friends to fall like this in the past couple weeks. Neither of these affairs were one time things, either. They had gone on for months and months.
After my stomach began to settle, I began to get pissed off. How could these men do something like this to their wives and families and churches? How could they do this to Jesus?
That’s when my third emotion kicked in: somberness. Each of these men were passionate and godly men who fell into sin. They join the ranks of many other men I have known who have done the same thing. At one point or another, I looked up to each of them. Some were brilliant communicators, other caring shepherds. They all loved being pastors, loved their families, and loved their churches. That’s why I became somber, because I couldn’t help but think “there but by the grace of God, go I.”
This morning when I woke up, I was angry again. This time at sin. I’m so mad that sin can topple years of hard work and devotion in an instant. At the same time, I take solace knowing that while individual men may fall, the gates of hell will not prevail against Jesus’ church.
So it is with these mixed emotions that I offer a list of suggestions for protecting yourself from this type of fall. I am not trying to be a legalist here, nor am I suggesting this is an exhaustive list. However, I want to strike while the iron is hot in my mind. Like any of you, I have the potential to fall into this type of sin. I want to “discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Cor 9:27)
Keep your marriage bed hot. As the Psalmist has written, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth…let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19) If things are going well with your sex life with your wife, you are less likely to be tempted to stray. Make this one of your highest priorities.
Maintain your relationship with God. A lot of times pastors spend so much energy teaching others about the faith that their own begins to drift. Make sure you are “setting an example for the flock.” (1 Peter 5:3) Get time alone with God, be fervent in your prayers, study the Word and make it central in your life.
Don’t underestimate the power of sin in your own life. The Apostle Paul understood this deeply, which is why he wrote,
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” (Romans 7:15–20)
Don’t underestimate the power of Jesus Christ’s atoning work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s continuing work in your life. Paul continues his previous thought by saying,
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 7:24-8:4)
Sin may be strong, but Jesus is stronger. He has already set you free! Now, through the Holy Spirit’s power, you can say “no” to the flesh.
Flee temptation. Many of us think we have to stand there and take temptation to prove we are a man. No! Flee temptation! Paul tells us to do so at least 4 times that I can think of (1 Cor 6:18 | 1 Cor 10:14 | 1 Tim 6:11 | 2 Tim 2:22). Here are some practical ways to flee sexual temptation. Many people say these rules go too far, I think they are wise.
- Never have lunch alone with a woman (except with members of your immediate family, of course).
- Never ride alone in the car with a woman.
- Never meet alone with a woman unless the door is open, you have windows people can see through, etc.
- Never counsel a married woman alone without her husband more than one time.
- If you find yourself drawn to a woman (physically, mentally, or emotionally), avoid her.
- Don’t have close female friends if you are not also friends with her husband.
- Be careful with physical and verbal affection. If it can be misconstrued, don’t do it.
- Install OpenDNS on your home and church computer networks and XXXChurch accountability software on all your computers.
Give your wife full access. Make sure your wife has all of your passwords to your email accounts and Facebook. Encourage her to log into your account and snoop around. If you feel like you need privacy, ask yourself why you feel that way. I guarantee the answer isn’t a good one. You are trying to hide something–repent and give your wife the passwords.
Be careful on Facebook. In the last few weeks, I have heard about two different people I know who have rekindled old flames on Facebook–that’s the obvious danger. The more subtle danger is the photos. Many women don’t think about the impact of some of the racier photos they post and it’s easy to become a voyeur. It’s better to just stay away from the photo pages all together.
Get accountable. Often the way we use accountability is a stupid thing because it doesn’t actually accomplish anything. But if used well, it can be a powerful tool. It is a way for brothers to help each other. Confess your temptations to a trusted friend (a co-pastor is the perfect person because they understand). Tell them when you are being tempted, when you find someone in your congregation or staff attractive, etc. Give them access to your computer, phone, etc, to check up on you when they feel like it. Give them permission to aggressively check up on you.
Finally, I want to challenge all of us to Pray for One Another. This is a battle we are in and “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.” (Eph 6:12–13)
I love you brothers. Stand firm.
Noel
Tags: Holy Spirit, Jesus, marriage, pastors, prayer, sex, sin, social media, temptation
I’m Back!
Aug 15, 2011 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Today marks the end of my second annual month long social media fast and it was very different this time around.
Last year, I found myself wanting to post to Twitter and Facebook constantly, this year it was relieving to take a break.
Last year, I enjoyed the break from my email and dreaded the pile of messages my assistant said was waiting for me at the end. This year, I have wanted to get back to email and my assistant says the backlog is pretty light because she handled most of them.
One thing was the same both times around, though: I am returning with a renewed vision for my online habits over the next year. Primarily, I want to use this year to leverage my Internet usage for the Gospel. Here are a few specific actions steps I am planning on implementing:
Twitter and Facebook
One of the coolest things we do at Riv is our Text Project, where we read through the New Testament each year and the Old Testament over the span of three years. Our approach is simple and you can learn more about it here.
This year, I plan on posting a verse from the Text Project each day to encourage people to read along with me and spend a few minutes daily in the Bible.
I also plan on limiting my time browsing Social Media to a couple minutes a day so it doesn’t become a time waster (as it has been in the past).
My Blog
This year, I plan on being more intentional with my blog posts.
- On Monday, I will blog about something that I think will pertain to the Riv family (whether it be about my weekend messages, current events, or just something I am mulling over).
- On some Tuesdays, I will post a “Tuesday Rewind,” which will be an old blog post, message clip, or some other old gem I dig up around here. I won’t always do one of these, but I will when it strikes my fancy.
- On Wednesdays, I’ll post book reviews on a wide variety of books from novels to bestsellers, to books I think everyone should read (or avoid).
- On Fridays, I’ll continue to post Friday Random Linkness because it’s fun for me (and I hope fun for you).
My Email
My assistant hit a great rhythm over the last month regarding my email. I plan on entrusting more and more of it to her, so I can focus more and more of my time to teaching and leading at Riv.
Well, that’s about it! It’s great to be back and I am excited to see what the next year has in store for us.
Tags: facebook, personal, social media, twitter
iFast 2.0
Jul 15, 2011 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Last year, I fasted from Social Media and much of the internet for the month of July and it was a super fruitful time for me. You can read my post-fast thoughts here and here. Because of this, I have decided to do it again. The bottom line is I will be mostly offline between July 15 and August 14.
Here are the parameters I am laying out for myself:
No Twitter. No tweeting, no reading other people’s tweets. A lot of time I’m not really living in the moment, rather I’m trying to capture the moment to share with others in 140 characters or less.
No Facebook. I don’t need to catch up on everyone’s lives, photos, and status updates this month. I also don’t need to share everything from my world. Sorry to everyone with birthdays during this month…you’ll just have to live without me saying “happy birthday.”
No Google+. I am tempted to play with this one over the break to try to figure it out, but nope…it has to go.
No Blogging. Most of the time, I love writing for my blog. Sometimes it’s a chore. This month, it doesn’t matter because I won’t be doing any of it.
No Reading Blogs. This one might be the hardest for me, since I have a lot of blogs I like to keep up on and no one would know if I snuck a peak. But it’s time for some offline thinking.
Limited Email. I’ll periodically check my personal email, but for the most part I’m going to let my assistant handle my work email. If something earth-shattering is happening that needs my attention, I’ll have her let me know but for the most part I don’t think the world will end if I don’t respond to email. To this end, I’m going to disconnect my iPad and iPhone from my work email account so it’s harder for me to access and have my assistant change my password.
So what will I do with all of the time / mental energy I save?
Read the Bible, pray, and plan for the fall. I am really really excited because this fall I am starting a year long journey through the book of 1 Corinthians. I’ll take a bunch of time during the next month to get ramped up and ready for that.
Vacation with the Fam. We have a couple little trips planned (including a Cubs game and some time on Lake Michigan) and I am looking forward to some down time to focus on being a husband and a dad.
That’s about it. My plan is to be back online on August 15.
See ya then!
Tags: facebook, personal, social media, twitter
Merely Talking
Oct 20, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
“In all hard work there is profit,
but merely talking about it only brings poverty.”
Proverbs 14:23 (NET)
“Merely talking about it.”
Solomon could have been talking about Twitter or Facebook status updates. In fact, his verse would easily fit in the 140 characters of a Tweet.
Do we spend more time talking about the stuff we have to do / the stuff we are doing / the stuff we just did than we spend actually doing the stuff? I know that is my natural propensity. In January, I made a resolution not to check email, Twitter, or Facebook in the mornings (with the exception of quick “Happy Birthdays”). Over the year, my commitment to this has waned and I not only start my day with these little addictions, but I keep coming back to them all day long.
Today I am starting over.
I found a great tool I am hoping will help. It’s called “Self Control” and it’s not just a fruit of the spirit, it’s a piece of software. I have been testing it for the last couple days and I really like it. It blocks certain websites for a set period of time, allowing you access to the rest of the web. I like this because I had been using a software called Freedom that blocked the entire internet. That hosed me up because I use the web for too many other things, especially when I am doing message prep.
So as of today, I plan on doing a quick blog post in the mornings, throwing out some birthday cheer, and then shutting down Facebook, email, and Twitter until after lunch. I figured I’d “Apply my Team” (that’s you) to this particular area of sin. The added advantage is by posting this out there, I now have a couple thousand people who can keep me accountable.
Tags: facebook, personal, productivity, social media, twitter, work
What’s Next?
Aug 3, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Now that I am back from my Social Media Fast, it’s time to jump into the new year (Riv’s calendar really goes along with a school calendar). With this new season of life and a little bit of perspective from my month off, I am going to modify my use of Social Media a smidge. Here’s what I am thinking:
Twitter
I am suspecting this is going to be the hardest part of my Social Media world to jump back into. That’s odd because it was one of the hardest habits for me to break. Now that I am not Tweeting constantly, though, it’s weird to start up again. Not sure how this one is going to change, but I know it will…
Facebook
By far, Facebook is my primary mode of connection with people at Riv and around the world. I am excited to get back in there and start connecting again, but I am going to limit my Facebook time so it is not a distraction from Riv, family and school (yes, I said school…more on that later). Not sure what the limits are going to be, but I am thinking about starting the day on Facebook and ending it the same way and trying to stay off in between. We’ll see…
Blog
I have been blogging for a very very long time and I plan to continue for a very very long time. However, I have noticed that since I started importing my blog into Facebook, my readership has decreased on the actual blog site. In particular, the comments have almost completely died out unless I specifically request feedback. There has been a corresponding increase of comments over on Facebook which makes sense. Because of this, I am going to continue writing on my blog (and importing the feed to Facebook) but I am disabling comments (unless a specific post warrants it). If people want to comment, they can do so on Facebook.
I’d love your thoughts on this, but of course you’ll have to give them to me over on Facebook.
Tags: facebook, personal, social media, twitter
I’m Back!
Aug 2, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
I’m back from my month long Social Media Fast. Did you miss me?
I figured my first post should be a little look at what this month has been like without Twitter, Facebook, and blogs.
Week 1
Countless times a day, I found myself starting to log into Facebook. It made me realize the number of “breaks” I take during the average day to consume Social Media. Once I began to eliminate that urge, I learned something: I am much much more productive when I don’t have Facebook as a distraction. As I re-enter the Facebook world, I am going to have to seriously discipline myself to only login a few times a day.
Week 2
This was when my need to Twitter really emerged. All of these little things kept happening that I wanted to tell the world about: the day I hiccuped for 8 hours straight, when one of my boys said, “Dad, do we HAVE to listen to rock music?”, when a flash flood almost washed away our tent when camping, etc. etc. etc. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to want to share this, I like the community it builds with people, it was just hard for me not to go there.
Week 3-4
These were vacation weeks for me so the temptation to blog, Facebook, and Twitter weren’t very strong except when I took pictures I really wanted to share.
Week 5
Last week was perhaps the hardest week because I was back from vacation and really trying to get things planned out for the fall. It felt like everything was “back to normal” except my social media stuff. I found myself craving normalcy.
Summary
This was a great thing for me in many ways and I think I may make a habit of doing this each July. Here were the best things about the month:
- My family vacation was truly that: a FAMILY vacation. I wasn’t consumed with having to share all the details with the world, and a lot of the time I would just leave my gadgets (including my phone) in the hotel room or van.
- I got a lot of reading done (which was one of my goals).
- The fast helped me to be less narcissistic. That’s one of the great downfalls about social media: we share every detail of our lives with other people and it makes is feel so dang important. It tends to place us in the center of the universe.
Anyhoo…tomorrow I am going to post a few thoughts on what happens next with me and Social Media.
Tags: facebook, personal, social media, twitter
iFast
Jul 1, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Everyone who knows me knows that I am a tech-junky. In particular, I’m a bit of an Apple Fanboy. I am always tapping away at my MacBook Pro or iPhone or iPad. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can become a bit obsessive.
In fact, I’ve been thinking about my social media consumption and production lately and I think it’s time for a break. Conveniently for me, my iPhone is dead and I’m not going to replace it until next month.
So, for the month of July I’m fasting from social media. Here are the parameters I am laying out for myself:
No Twitter. No tweeting, no reading other people’s tweets. A lot of time I’m not really living in the moment, rather I’m trying to capture the moment to share with others in 140 characters or less.
No Facebook. I don’t need to catch up on everyone’s lives, photos, and status updates this month. I also don’t need to share everything from my world. Sorry to everyone with July birthdays…you’ll just have to live without me saying “happy birthday.”
No Blogging. Most of the time, I love writing for my blog. Sometimes it’s a chore. This month, it doesn’t matter because I won’t be doing any of it.
No Reading Blogs. This one might be the hardest for me, since I have a lot of blogs I like to keep up on and no one would know if I snuck a peak. But it’s time for some offline thinking.
Limited Email. I’ll periodically check my personal email, but for the most part I’m going to let my assistant handle my work email. If something earth-shattering is happening that needs my attention, I’ll have her let me know but for the most part I don’t think the world will end if I don’t respond to email. To this end, I’m going to disconnect my iPad from my work email account so it’s harder for me to access. Maybe I’ll let my assistant change my password too. Yeah, I think I will.
So what will I do with all of the time / mental energy I save?
Read books. I have a whole lot of books I want to catch up on (and yes, a bunch of them are on my iPad…not giving that up).
Read the Bible, pray, and plan for the fall.
Vacation with the Fam. This month I have the coolest vacation plans ever but I don’t need to share every detail of them online.
That’s about it. My plan is to be back online in August. Who knows, though, I may like this offline world more than I think…
Tags: facebook, fasting, personal, social media, twitter
