My Funny Valentine
Feb 14, 2011 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
In honor of Valentine’s Day, I thought I’d publicly post the answer I gave to someone who Facebooked me this question after the God’s Will Conference at Riv:
How did you know you were supposed to marry your wife?
My answer?
In a nutshell? She was wise, godly, hilarious, and hot and I liked hanging out with her. She’s my best friend.
By the way…if you want to see the entire picture from above (including the person I cropped out), head over to Facebook.
Tags: husbands, love, marriage, valentine's day, wives
Act Like Men
Feb 7, 2011 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Guys…mark your calendars for March 5, 2011.
On that day, Dan and I will be traveling to Columbus Ohio to take part in the Act Like Men conference and I think you should join us. Trust me…it will be worth the drive.
THE PURPOSE of Act Like Men is to challenge men to fight for the radical transformation of the gospel of Jesus Christ in their personal lives. This will include examining how Jesus expects men to take responsibility and lead in their homes, their families, their churches, and culture; to be responsible and honor Christ in their use of time and their finances, and to be wise in career and life decisions. The Apostle Paul exhorted the men in the Corinthian church to be watchful, to stand firm in the faith, to act like men, and to be strong (1 Corinthians 16:13). Above all, men will be challenged to examine their lives and to kill sin wherever the Holy Spirit makes it known through conviction.
THE THEME of this year’s conference is ‘CULTIVATE: Godliness is Manliness.’ Men were created to cultivate, starting with our father Adam. We are still called to cultivate our wives, our children, our work, our churches, and our own souls and minds. At Act Like Men 2011 we are going to be challenged by our speakers to strive to instill rhythms in our lives in order to fulfill, by God’s grace, our call to cultivate.
Church Planter
Sep 6, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
My friend Darrin Patrick has published a book that I am very excited about. It’s called “Church Planter” and you can find it here.
I haven’t had a chance to read it, although I am hoping to while I’m flying later on this week. I’ll post a review of it soon (although, unless he really tanks on it, I suspect it will be a good review).
Check out this video that not only promotes the book, but kicks pastors, men, and boys in the butt:
Tags: church, church planting, marriage
Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye?
Jun 29, 2010 Book Reviews
A few weeks ago at Riv, I asked for a single person to volunteer to read the book “Did I Kiss Marriage Goodbye” and to let me know what they thought of it. My friend Lisa took me up on the challenge and posted an exhaustive (and personal) review on her site.
Here is a shorter review specifically for the readers of my blog. Thanks, Lisa. You rock.
The author is theologically sound and covers a wide range of scripture to make her points. Most books on singleness seem to rely on either 1 Corinthians 7 or Ruth. McCulley touches on both, of course, but also digs into many more obscure, seemingly tangential passages. For instance, she actually references Leviticus 19:23-25 (you don’t actually get to eat any produce from a vineyard until year 5) to talk about how Proverbs 31:16 (“from her earnings she plants a vineyard”) is actually about long-term investment.
She offers numerous examples of how other single women have used their singleness to be a blessing. This is key. Other books seem to just say to use singleness well and leave it at that. For instance, if they’re talking about being an influence among children, they don’t seem to go much farther than suggesting that we should teach a Sunday School class. McCulley talks about strategically developing relationships with kids and their parents (volunteering to babysit so the parents can go on a date; getting permission to step in and offer corrective advice to specific children). The second half of the book offers up a ton of tips like these. The very fact that she goes for breadth – not depth – makes it a LOT easier to find ways to apply it to my own life.
She emphasizes singleness and marriage as both temporary states throughout. As part of this she makes it clear that the desire for a husband never really goes away. This gets a little more personal for me. Somewhere along the line I got it in my head that if I were truly “gifted” with singleness there would come a point where I functionally became an asexual being, and I’d no longer be attracted to the various men in my life. I’ve prayed while struggling with my feelings for various men that this one would be the last; that either he would be the one I’d actually marry or I’d just no longer have to deal with such feelings ever again. The fact that life just doesn’t work that way is so obvious that nobody ever bothers to actually state it. Most books instead focus on the whole “don’t be the aggressor in the relationship” thing. These books always feel like they operate under the assumption that (a) women choose when they fall in love and (b) single women are by default desperate enough for marriage to initiate a relationship. Okay, yes, it’s important to talk about that, but (a) initiating a relationship as a female may be unwise but does not guarantee its failure, and (b) some of us have long since learned that knowledge and can we please move on to something else. So it’s refreshing to have a book that helps you live like a single in spite of your emotions toward any particular man.
Tags: marriage, singleness
Marital Rating Scale for Wives
Jun 28, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend I read a bit of the Marital Rating Scale for Wives, originally published in 1936. Here’s the entire thing for your rating pleasure. Click on the thumbnail to view it in your browser. If you want to download a PDF version, you can do so by clicking here.
Manly Links
Jun 23, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Here are some manly links related to this past weekend’s message at Riv.
True and False Manliness by James Freeman Clarke, 1886
Twisted Gender by Reid Monaghan
Pastor Dad by Mark Driscoll
Resolving Conflict in Marriage – Gerry Breshears
Help with Porn – Here are some links to help you keep your home porn free
Question for the Dudes
Jun 22, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend, I am going to be talking to the women at Riv. So I have two questions just for the men (I encourage you to answer anonymously to protect the women’s honor…if you are reading this on Facebook, that means don’t answer it here, but go to NoelHeikkinen.com and answer it there). If you don’t have a woman in your life, feel free to answer generically about women in general.
What is ONE of your woman’s greatest virtues?
What is ONE of your woman’s greatest flaws?
Marital Rating Scale for Husbands
Jun 21, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend I read a bit of the Marital Rating Scale for Husbands, originally published in 1936. Here’s the entire thing for your rating pleasure. Click on the thumbnail to view it in your browser. If you want to download a PDF version, you can do so by clicking here.
Nuclear Family Questions: What if my spouse isn’t a Christian?
Jun 16, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
During the course of the Nuclear Family series at Riv, I am taking questions via Text Message and trying to incorporate as many of the questions as I can into my messages. Some of the questions that I can’t get to, I will try to blog about. Today, I tackle this common question:
How can I have a Gospel Centered Family if my spouse is not a Christian?
Before I answer this question, I want all single people to go back and read the question again. Did you do it? That’s an important question for you to consider before you get into a serious relationship with someone. I have met so many dating couples where only one of them is a believer. They think their love, commitment, etc., will be enough to carry them through even though they disagree about Jesus. But once you are married a few years, once you have kids in the picture, everything changes. So many people (especially young women) think that their significant other will eventually come around. “He has really taken some huge steps,” they will say.
Please please please hear me on this one: if your boyfriend or girlfriend is not a Christian and you are, end the relationship. Jesus is more important and while the breakup will be painful now, it will be much more painful if you get married, start having babies, and are together for years. That’s why this question come up so often!
But let’s assume for a second you didn’t get this advice and now you are married to a non-Christian. What do you do? Well, Paul addressed this very topic in 1 Corinthians 7:
If a Christian man has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to continue living with him, he must not leave her. And if a Christian woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to continue living with her, she must not leave him. For the Christian wife brings holiness to her marriage, and the Christian husband brings holiness to his marriage. Otherwise, your children would not be holy, but now they are holy. (But if the husband or wife who isn’t a believer insists on leaving, let them go. In such cases the Christian husband or wife is no longer bound to the other, for God has called you to live in peace.) Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?
1 Corinthians 7:12–16 NLT
The bold part in the end is the key. You, as the Christian husband or wife, model a Christian relationship in the home even though your spouse is not a believer. As you do this, you paint a picture for them to see. Let’s think about this for a second from both sides.
A Christian husband loves his non-Christian wife the way Jesus loves the church. He lays his life down for her, he leads the family with love and tenderness, he reads the Word in front of and to his children, he is faithful to his wife (having only eyes for her), he takes the family to church, etc. This unselfish way of living is a beautiful picture of Jesus and the church for his wife to see.
A Christian wife respects and submits to her non-Christian husband the way the church submits to Jesus. She is respectful in her attitude toward him, she reads the Word to her children and prays for them, she joyfully has sex with her husband when he needs it, she stands firm for what the Word teaches and gently communicates this to her husband when he disagrees. This attitude is a great picture of the Gospel for her husband to see.
In both situations, the goal is that the unbelieving spouse would become a Christian. It is done through living the kind of life Jesus would call you to live and playing your role in the family without pushing your spouse into playing theirs.
Question for the Ladies
Jun 15, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend, I am going to be talking to the men at Riv. So I have two questions just for the women (I encourage you to answer anonymously to protect the men’s fragile egos…if your comment doesn’t appear right away, don’t worry. I may have to approve it first). If you don’t have a man, feel free to answer generically about men in general.
What is ONE of your man’s greatest virtues?
What is ONE of your man’s greatest flaws?
Tags: femininity, marriage, wives
