Man Up
Dec 12, 2011 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
One of the most encouraging things around Riv over the last year have been the number of young men who have asked for help in “manning up.” They are fed up with the extended adolescence of our culture and they want to grow to be godly men who can lead in their families and churches.
Here are some of the suggestions and resources I have recommended to these men:
A great leader is a great follower first. - The greatest leader of all time, Jesus Christ, said he “came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (Mark 10:45) The #1 thing you need to do to become the man God intends you to become is to follow the godman you are meant to follow: Jesus. Serve like he did, study his book, follow his lead, love like he loved, fight like he fought, give your life for his church like he did.
Read biographies of great men. – Other than Jesus, no man is perfect. Read the stories of great men in history and try to not only emulate their strengths but learn from their weaknesses. John Wesley was a great evangelist and a terrible husband. John Calvin was a great theologian with an unpleasant disposition (he was a jerk). C.S. Lewis was a great thinker with some unorthodox views.
Fight sin in your life. – One of the scariest passages in the Bible is 1 Thessalonians 4:7-8: “For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore whoever disregards this, disregards not man but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you.” Many men want to do great things for Jesus, but they refuse to deal with their own patterns of ongoing sin (especially sexual sin). When we disregard God’s call to holiness in our lives, we are rejecting the Holy Spirit’s influence in our lives.
Surround yourself with godly men. – Many young men surround themselves with dispassionate, lustful, lazy, drunk morons and wonder why they can never seem to inspire themselves off of the couch. As the Apostle Paul warned, “Do not be misled: ‘Bad company corrupts good character.’” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Find a couple godly men and team up to do something big for Jesus.
Tags: manhood, manliness, masculinity
An Open Letter To Pastors
Feb 21, 2011 1 Timothy
During the course of Riv’s current series on 1 Timothy, I am blogging about stuff I can’t get to during the weekend services. Today, I am posting an open letter to my brothers who pastor in Jesus’ church around the world. This is going to be a longer post than normal but I feel like I have to address something and it’s going to take more than a few words to do so.
Speak to younger men as brothers…and younger women as sisters–with complete purity.-1 Timothy 5:1-2
Brothers-
I received an email yesterday that literally made me feel like I was going to puke. It was a friend of mine telling me a mutual friend had fallen into sexual sin with a member of his church staff and he was going to leave his family and move in with the other woman. This is the second of my friends to fall like this in the past couple weeks. Neither of these affairs were one time things, either. They had gone on for months and months.
After my stomach began to settle, I began to get pissed off. How could these men do something like this to their wives and families and churches? How could they do this to Jesus?
That’s when my third emotion kicked in: somberness. Each of these men were passionate and godly men who fell into sin. They join the ranks of many other men I have known who have done the same thing. At one point or another, I looked up to each of them. Some were brilliant communicators, other caring shepherds. They all loved being pastors, loved their families, and loved their churches. That’s why I became somber, because I couldn’t help but think “there but by the grace of God, go I.”
This morning when I woke up, I was angry again. This time at sin. I’m so mad that sin can topple years of hard work and devotion in an instant. At the same time, I take solace knowing that while individual men may fall, the gates of hell will not prevail against Jesus’ church.
So it is with these mixed emotions that I offer a list of suggestions for protecting yourself from this type of fall. I am not trying to be a legalist here, nor am I suggesting this is an exhaustive list. However, I want to strike while the iron is hot in my mind. Like any of you, I have the potential to fall into this type of sin. I want to “discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Cor 9:27)
Keep your marriage bed hot. As the Psalmist has written, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth…let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19) If things are going well with your sex life with your wife, you are less likely to be tempted to stray. Make this one of your highest priorities.
Maintain your relationship with God. A lot of times pastors spend so much energy teaching others about the faith that their own begins to drift. Make sure you are “setting an example for the flock.” (1 Peter 5:3) Get time alone with God, be fervent in your prayers, study the Word and make it central in your life.
Don’t underestimate the power of sin in your own life. The Apostle Paul understood this deeply, which is why he wrote,
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” (Romans 7:15–20)
Don’t underestimate the power of Jesus Christ’s atoning work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s continuing work in your life. Paul continues his previous thought by saying,
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 7:24-8:4)
Sin may be strong, but Jesus is stronger. He has already set you free! Now, through the Holy Spirit’s power, you can say “no” to the flesh.
Flee temptation. Many of us think we have to stand there and take temptation to prove we are a man. No! Flee temptation! Paul tells us to do so at least 4 times that I can think of (1 Cor 6:18 | 1 Cor 10:14 | 1 Tim 6:11 | 2 Tim 2:22). Here are some practical ways to flee sexual temptation. Many people say these rules go too far, I think they are wise.
- Never have lunch alone with a woman (except with members of your immediate family, of course).
- Never ride alone in the car with a woman.
- Never meet alone with a woman unless the door is open, you have windows people can see through, etc.
- Never counsel a married woman alone without her husband more than one time.
- If you find yourself drawn to a woman (physically, mentally, or emotionally), avoid her.
- Don’t have close female friends if you are not also friends with her husband.
- Be careful with physical and verbal affection. If it can be misconstrued, don’t do it.
- Install OpenDNS on your home and church computer networks and XXXChurch accountability software on all your computers.
Give your wife full access. Make sure your wife has all of your passwords to your email accounts and Facebook. Encourage her to log into your account and snoop around. If you feel like you need privacy, ask yourself why you feel that way. I guarantee the answer isn’t a good one. You are trying to hide something–repent and give your wife the passwords.
Be careful on Facebook. In the last few weeks, I have heard about two different people I know who have rekindled old flames on Facebook–that’s the obvious danger. The more subtle danger is the photos. Many women don’t think about the impact of some of the racier photos they post and it’s easy to become a voyeur. It’s better to just stay away from the photo pages all together.
Get accountable. Often the way we use accountability is a stupid thing because it doesn’t actually accomplish anything. But if used well, it can be a powerful tool. It is a way for brothers to help each other. Confess your temptations to a trusted friend (a co-pastor is the perfect person because they understand). Tell them when you are being tempted, when you find someone in your congregation or staff attractive, etc. Give them access to your computer, phone, etc, to check up on you when they feel like it. Give them permission to aggressively check up on you.
Finally, I want to challenge all of us to Pray for One Another. This is a battle we are in and “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.” (Eph 6:12–13)
I love you brothers. Stand firm.
Noel
Tags: adultery, elders, husbands, leadership, manliness, mentorship, prayer, repentance, sex, sin, wives
Andreas Köstenberger
Feb 3, 2011 1 Timothy, Book Reviews
Many people have asked me where they can find the resources by Andreas J. Köstenberger I referred to last weekend. So, without much ado, here they are in order of intensity.
A Quick Interview on the topic of 1 Timothy 2:12.
A 32 page paper on the topic of 1 Timothy 2:15.
Women in the Church: An Analysis and Application of 1 Timothy 2:9-15.
Tags: elders, femininity, manliness
Marital Rating Scale for Wives
Jun 28, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend I read a bit of the Marital Rating Scale for Wives, originally published in 1936. Here’s the entire thing for your rating pleasure. Click on the thumbnail to view it in your browser. If you want to download a PDF version, you can do so by clicking here.
Manly Links
Jun 23, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Here are some manly links related to this past weekend’s message at Riv.
True and False Manliness by James Freeman Clarke, 1886
Twisted Gender by Reid Monaghan
Pastor Dad by Mark Driscoll
Resolving Conflict in Marriage – Gerry Breshears
Help with Porn – Here are some links to help you keep your home porn free
Question for the Dudes
Jun 22, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend, I am going to be talking to the women at Riv. So I have two questions just for the men (I encourage you to answer anonymously to protect the women’s honor…if you are reading this on Facebook, that means don’t answer it here, but go to NoelHeikkinen.com and answer it there). If you don’t have a woman in your life, feel free to answer generically about women in general.
What is ONE of your woman’s greatest virtues?
What is ONE of your woman’s greatest flaws?
Marital Rating Scale for Husbands
Jun 21, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
This weekend I read a bit of the Marital Rating Scale for Husbands, originally published in 1936. Here’s the entire thing for your rating pleasure. Click on the thumbnail to view it in your browser. If you want to download a PDF version, you can do so by clicking here.
Biblical Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood
Jun 14, 2010 Book Reviews
This past weekend, we launched a new series on the “Nuclear Family” at Riv. I’m going to blog on family themes for the month, as well. Today (since I lightly tapped on the subject during my teaching), I want to recommend an excellent book for you if you want to explore more of what the Bible has to say about Biblical Masculinity and Femininity. This is a bit of a meaty book, but if you are looking to really dive into this topic, this is the book for you. It’s called Biblical Foundations for Manhood and Womanhood.
The topics covered in this book are:
- The Key Issues in the Manhood-Womanhood Controversy
- Male and Female Complemantarity and the Image of God
- Marriage Lived for the Glory of God
- Answering Disputed Questions about Gender Specific Roles in the Church
- Standing Against the Culture in the area of Sexuality
Here are a couple snippets:
“The Bible thus almost immediately corrects the errors of male dominance and male superiority that have come as the result of sin and that have been seen in nearly all cultures in the history of the world. Wherever men are thought to be better than women, wherever husbands act as selfish dictators, wherever wives are forbidden to have their own jobs outside the home or to vote or to own property or to be educated, wherever women are treated as inferior, wherever there is abuse or violence against women or rape or female infanticide or polygamy or harems, the biblical truth of equality in the image of God is being denied. To all societies and cultures where these things occur, we must proclaim that the very beginning of God’s Word bears a fundamental and irrefutable witness against these evils.” – Wayne Grudem
“In modern society, we tend to think in this way: If you are a person who has authority over another, that’s a good thing. If you are someone who has to submit to an authority, that’s a bad thing. But that is the world’s viewpoint, and it is not true. Submission to a rightful authority is a good and noble and wonderful thing, because it reflects the interpersonal relationships within God Himself.” – Wayne Grudem
Tags: complimentarian, elders, femininity, husbands, manliness, marriage, wives
Church for the Fonz
Apr 26, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Every once in awhile I get asked the question, “Why does Riverview feel like it’s designed for men?”
I usually start by saying “thanks for noticing.”
We have intentionally tried to create a masculine environment at Riv in as many things as possible. The building design, the paint colors, the music style, etc. are all designed to err on the masculine side.
Why? Here are two of the most important reasons:
First, churches have become (in our culture) very feminine. The style of service, the decor, the music, the presentation of many churches are all very very feminine. Because of this, significantly more women go to church then men. Since there are so many churches that cater to women in our culture, we have chosen to intentionally go the other direction. If you want to find a feminine church, you probably won’t have a hard time.
The second reason is more important. The general rule of thumb is this: if a woman decides to check out a church, she will bring her children with her and have a hard time bringing her husband even after she gets saved. If a man decides to check out a church, he will bring his entire family. If he gets saved, usually his entire family will as well. It’s important, for the sake of non-Christians, to try to create an environment conducive for men.
