An Open Letter To Pastors
Feb 21, 2011 1 Timothy
During the course of Riv’s current series on 1 Timothy, I am blogging about stuff I can’t get to during the weekend services. Today, I am posting an open letter to my brothers who pastor in Jesus’ church around the world. This is going to be a longer post than normal but I feel like I have to address something and it’s going to take more than a few words to do so.
Speak to younger men as brothers…and younger women as sisters–with complete purity.-1 Timothy 5:1-2
Brothers-
I received an email yesterday that literally made me feel like I was going to puke. It was a friend of mine telling me a mutual friend had fallen into sexual sin with a member of his church staff and he was going to leave his family and move in with the other woman. This is the second of my friends to fall like this in the past couple weeks. Neither of these affairs were one time things, either. They had gone on for months and months.
After my stomach began to settle, I began to get pissed off. How could these men do something like this to their wives and families and churches? How could they do this to Jesus?
That’s when my third emotion kicked in: somberness. Each of these men were passionate and godly men who fell into sin. They join the ranks of many other men I have known who have done the same thing. At one point or another, I looked up to each of them. Some were brilliant communicators, other caring shepherds. They all loved being pastors, loved their families, and loved their churches. That’s why I became somber, because I couldn’t help but think “there but by the grace of God, go I.”
This morning when I woke up, I was angry again. This time at sin. I’m so mad that sin can topple years of hard work and devotion in an instant. At the same time, I take solace knowing that while individual men may fall, the gates of hell will not prevail against Jesus’ church.
So it is with these mixed emotions that I offer a list of suggestions for protecting yourself from this type of fall. I am not trying to be a legalist here, nor am I suggesting this is an exhaustive list. However, I want to strike while the iron is hot in my mind. Like any of you, I have the potential to fall into this type of sin. I want to “discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified.” (1 Cor 9:27)
Keep your marriage bed hot. As the Psalmist has written, “Rejoice in the wife of your youth…let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:19) If things are going well with your sex life with your wife, you are less likely to be tempted to stray. Make this one of your highest priorities.
Maintain your relationship with God. A lot of times pastors spend so much energy teaching others about the faith that their own begins to drift. Make sure you are “setting an example for the flock.” (1 Peter 5:3) Get time alone with God, be fervent in your prayers, study the Word and make it central in your life.
Don’t underestimate the power of sin in your own life. The Apostle Paul understood this deeply, which is why he wrote,
“I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate…So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.” (Romans 7:15–20)
Don’t underestimate the power of Jesus Christ’s atoning work on the cross and the Holy Spirit’s continuing work in your life. Paul continues his previous thought by saying,
“Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 7:24-8:4)
Sin may be strong, but Jesus is stronger. He has already set you free! Now, through the Holy Spirit’s power, you can say “no” to the flesh.
Flee temptation. Many of us think we have to stand there and take temptation to prove we are a man. No! Flee temptation! Paul tells us to do so at least 4 times that I can think of (1 Cor 6:18 | 1 Cor 10:14 | 1 Tim 6:11 | 2 Tim 2:22). Here are some practical ways to flee sexual temptation. Many people say these rules go too far, I think they are wise.
- Never have lunch alone with a woman (except with members of your immediate family, of course).
- Never ride alone in the car with a woman.
- Never meet alone with a woman unless the door is open, you have windows people can see through, etc.
- Never counsel a married woman alone without her husband more than one time.
- If you find yourself drawn to a woman (physically, mentally, or emotionally), avoid her.
- Don’t have close female friends if you are not also friends with her husband.
- Be careful with physical and verbal affection. If it can be misconstrued, don’t do it.
- Install OpenDNS on your home and church computer networks and XXXChurch accountability software on all your computers.
Give your wife full access. Make sure your wife has all of your passwords to your email accounts and Facebook. Encourage her to log into your account and snoop around. If you feel like you need privacy, ask yourself why you feel that way. I guarantee the answer isn’t a good one. You are trying to hide something–repent and give your wife the passwords.
Be careful on Facebook. In the last few weeks, I have heard about two different people I know who have rekindled old flames on Facebook–that’s the obvious danger. The more subtle danger is the photos. Many women don’t think about the impact of some of the racier photos they post and it’s easy to become a voyeur. It’s better to just stay away from the photo pages all together.
Get accountable. Often the way we use accountability is a stupid thing because it doesn’t actually accomplish anything. But if used well, it can be a powerful tool. It is a way for brothers to help each other. Confess your temptations to a trusted friend (a co-pastor is the perfect person because they understand). Tell them when you are being tempted, when you find someone in your congregation or staff attractive, etc. Give them access to your computer, phone, etc, to check up on you when they feel like it. Give them permission to aggressively check up on you.
Finally, I want to challenge all of us to Pray for One Another. This is a battle we are in and “we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm.” (Eph 6:12–13)
I love you brothers. Stand firm.
Noel
Tags: adultery, elders, husbands, leadership, manliness, mentorship, prayer, repentance, sex, sin, wives
Mentors and Heroes
Oct 18, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
I remember having lunch with an older guy when I was in college. I didn’t know him very well, but his commitment to Jesus was evident. At the end of our lunch, I asked him if he would mentor me. To my shock, he said, “no.” I was floored. I mean, who wouldn’t want to mentor someone? Of course, in my youthful naivete, I assumed this guy was just making excuses when he said he didn’t have the time. I felt burned.
It’s taken 20 years, but I can now identify with that guy because now I am him. I get asked all the time to mentor younger guys and I can’t say yes to everyone…I just don’t have the time. So I have to do the same thing he did–try to graciously say “no.” It still burns.
Perhaps that’s why I was so struck by this post from Seth Godin. Here’s a snippet:
Mentors provide bespoke guidance. They take a personal interest in you. It’s customized, rare and expensive.
Heroes live their lives in public, broadcasting their model to anyone who cares to look.
The internet has created a long tail of heroes. There are tens of thousands of musicians, artists, entrepreneurs, social leaders, politicians (okay, maybe not thousands of these), coders and colleagues to find and emulate…
Like a custom made suit, a mentor is a fine thing to have if you can find or afford it. But for the rest of us, heroes will have to do.
I have had both in my life. I have had men who have mentored me for a season (it could be over the course of one lunch or 300 consecutive meetings). I have also had heroes I could watch from afar.
I encourage you to find a mentor if you can. But whether or not you can, I encourage you to find heroes: men and women from whom you can learn from afar. You may never meet them face to face, they may never know your name, but they can have a profound impact on your life as you watch and learn.
Tags: hero, leadership, mentorship, productivity
The Nines
Sep 8, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
I have been super excited about The Nines (a free online conference coming up tomorrow), and not just because I am one of the speakers. :)
Last year, I spent the day watching as many of the 9 minute clips on church leadership as I could. Some of the ideas I resonated with, some I hated, but they were all worth wading through. This year it’s even better because they chopped it down to 6 minutes (and I actually did my segment in 5 minutes…holla).
Then I looked at my calendar and realized I was travelling all day. I am going to be in 3 airports tomorrow and when I travel, I don’t bring my laptop with me. I thought I was hosed.
Not so fast, buckaroo.
I have it on good authority that there will be a special page set aside for people watching via iPad, iPhone, or iPod. Yeah, buddy.
My plan is to pay for the WiFi on the plane and spend my flights participating in The Nines from 30,000 feet via my iPad. Gotta love technology.
Oh, if you are planning on taking part in The Nines, make sure you pre-register, otherwise you’ll be left out in the cold where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
Tags: apple, leadership
Iron Sharpens Iron
Sep 2, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
OK, this video is very interesting to me. It’s a conversation between Francis Chan, Joshua Harris, and Mark Driscoll. You get the message pretty quickly that there was a topic they were planning on discussing but it gets thrown out the window because there is a more pressing issue at hand. Josh and Mark spend the time challenging Francis on a few things regarding his recent decision to resign from his church and start something new.
I almost felt like a voyeur watching a very personal conversation. At the same time, you could see that these guys are humble and teachable. This video is a great model of the types of conversations we should be willing to have with those around us.
It’s only 15 minutes long and definitely worth watching.
What’s Next for Francis Chan? A Conversation with Mark Driscoll and Joshua Harris from Ben Peays on Vimeo.
Proverbs 27:17 Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.
Tags: elders, leadership
One of the…
Aug 30, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
One of my favorite phrases is “one of the…”
Let me use it in a sentence for you: “I am one of the pastors at XYZ Church.”
Not sure if it’s me, but I am hearing this phrase more and more lately and I smile each time. It seems that perhaps we are beginning to recapture the often neglected biblical principle of a team of pastors/elders leading the church together.
Recently I have heard this phrase used by Larry Osborne, Mark Driscoll, Greg Surratt, and Pete Wilson to mention a few. They are from a wide range of theological / denominational camps, by the way.
I like.
Tags: church, elders, leadership, pastors
LEAD
Aug 24, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
Just wanted to remind you that our next LEAD event is coming up on September 18, 2010 from 9am to 2pm.
This time around, we’re doing it a bit different. We’ll have a couple main sessions (one of which will consist entirely of music, communion, and prayer). We’ll also be offering specific training if you serve with RivKids, Chaos, The Element, EPIC, Life Groups, or Welcome Team. If you aren’t serving in one of those areas, we’ll also be offering our most popular class (Decision Making) and a new class on Interpersonal Communication you can take instead.
The cost is only $10 (to help cover lunch), but if you can’t afford that just let us know and we’ll cover you. We don’t want the cost to be the reason you can’t make it.
You can register now at http://LEAD.RivChurch.com
Just in case you still have doubts about joining us, here’s a little video where I pretty much say what you just read:
In case my video wasn’t enough to convince you, here are 10 more reasons to check out LEAD:
- 1. You’ll get specific training for how to lead in the area of ministry you are serving in.
- 2. Dan Price will be leading an intimate worship time with music, prayer, and communion. How intimate? You’ll have to come to find out.
- 3. Hang with other emerging leaders at Riv.
- 4. There will be coffee, of course.
- 5. Meet church planters from around Lansing and the rest of the state.
- 6. The MSU vs. Notre Dame home game isn’t on until 8pm that night (yes, we checked).
- 7. Get a pre-release version of a new Bible Study curriculum we’re working on.
- 8. It’s only $10 (to cover lunch).
- 9. If you can’t afford $10, it’s free for you.
- 10. Did I mention the game isn’t on until 8pm?
Tags: leadership, riverview
LEAD
Apr 27, 2010 Uncategorized Hodge Podge
It’s time for our next LEAD event at RivChurch! Here are some of the pertinent details:
Who is this for?
LEAD is for anyone who leads anywhere or wants to lead anywhere.
What do you mean, “anywhere?”
I mean “anywhere.” This event isn’t just for people leading at Riv or even for people who attend Riv. It’s open to anyone and everyone who wants to learn more about leading. (Not this kind of leading…graphic artist joke). Of course our focus is on Riv, but you can apply the content wherever you are leading.
Wee ha…when is it?
Saturday, May 22, 2010 from 9:00am to 2:00pm
Where is it?
RivChurch’s Holt Venue.
Anything else I should know?
It’ll cost $10 (to cover lunch) but if you can’t afford that you can still come. Kids from birth to 4th grade can come for free and we’ll feed them too.
Click here to register and to read descriptions of all of the sessions.
Tags: leadership, riverview
