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To prepare for the current section of 1 Corinthians we are working through at Riv, I have been reading a few books on sex, marriage, and divorce.  For the next couple weeks, I will dedicate my Wednesday book reviews to these books.

Today’s book is Sheet Music by Kevin Leman.

What did I like most about the book?

This is a book I wish I had read before getting married.  It’s an incredibly straight-forward treatment of the role of sex in marriage.  It is very graphic, but it is not crass.  The author is a Christian and he treats this sensitive and personal topic with humor, directness, and most importantly biblical fidelity.

I have met with many couples who feel like the struggles in their sex lives are unusual, but they are not.  This book clears up the issues 90% of couples bring to me regarding sex.  The difficult part for some will be to follow Leman’s advice because they still feel like their situation is unique and therefore his message does not apply to them.

What did I like least about the book?

There are only two things that give me concern in recommending Sheet Music.

The first is the author’s view on masturbation.  He is of the opinion that it can be a healthy thing within the context of marriage (if used to help the sex life of the couple).  Unfortunately, so many men struggle with lustful thoughts during masturbation that it is too difficult for them to do this in a God-honoring way.  While Leman does mention this, I wish he would have taken more time to make this clear.

Secondly, he sets up what he considers an ideal number of times a couple should have sex every week.  My experience is that each couple has their own ideal number and his may put inappropriate pressure on couples who think differently about frequency.  I always advise couples to have more sex than the person who wants it less and less sex than the person who wants it more.  That seems to be a better way of determining an ideal frequency than an arbitrary number.

Would I recommend the book?

Every married and engaged couple should read this book, especially if they struggle with their sex lives.

Key Quotes

“A couple’s sex life is usually a microcosm of the marriage. Every now and then a couple has a great sex life with a poor marriage, but this is the rarity, something you see only every couple of years. Most often, if the marriage is on the rocks, sex will follow it to the bottom.”

“A woman minimizes a man when she says that all he cares about is sex; she betrays her ignorance about the complexity of a man’s soul and the interconnectedness of our spirituality and physical being.”

“Now, if talking to your husband, I would remind him that one of the all-time great biblical lines is “Love does not demand its own way” (1 Corinthians 13:5). When a guy tries to use 1 Corinthians 7 to get his wife to do something kinky or distasteful to her…give me a break! That’s not what Paul is talking about. Just as Paul tells us we have sexual obligations within marriage, in the same book he insists that love does not demand its own way. In short, men, you don’t force, ever.”

“A national study of over 1,800 married couples indicated that the probability of getting a divorce was twice as high for couples who had cohabited prior to marriage compared to those couples who had not. In addition, cohabitation prior to marriage related to lower levels of subsequent marital interaction and higher levels of marital disagreement and instability.”

Buy this book on Amazon.com