Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

Aug 7, 2008 Print This Post

Via The Onion, this is brilliant…

Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity’s hubristic folly.

“There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race,” Gore said. “I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home.”

As the rocket soared through the Gore estate’s retractable solar-paneled roof—installed three years ago to save energy and provide emergency rocket-launch capability in the event that Gore’s campaign to save Earth was unsuccessful—the onetime presidential candidate and his wife, Tipper, stood arm-in-arm, nobly facing their end while gazing up in stoic dignity at the receding rocket, the ecosystem already beginning to collapse around them.

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Growing up in the Lansing area, I wanted nothing more than to get out. My exit strategy included a complex mixture of schemes for an urban church plant, iProducts, and an elaborate Bollywood car chase scene with zombies and catchy techno music.

As a 40 year old man, I find myself entrenched in the Lansing area at a church I love (Riverview), with 4 kids I love more (a high schooler, a junior higher, a middle schooler, and an elementary schooler), and a wife I love the most (Grace).

Instead of planting one church, I dream of helping hundreds get started without ever leaving my home base. I still love my iProducts and use them as tools to help lead and teach the thousands who attend Riverview. And when no one is looking, I blare the techno music and send my unimpressive resume to casting agents for Bollywood zombie films.

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