NoelHeikkinen.com

Forgiveness

Sep 30, 2005 Print This Post

//MOOD:

//ITUNES: Just a Closer Walk With Thee by The Mars Hillbillies

Because of the notes I have received on the forgiveness message, and because of a few new ones I have received since posting yesterday, I have been surfing around, reading more on forgiveness online. Here are a few things I have run across.

From Ray Stedman, a pastor who has a lot of cool stuff out there:

“Well,” someone says, “you don’t know what I’m up against. You don’t know what so-and-so has done to me. If you were in my shoes you wouldn’t be able to forgive, either. I can’t forgive, don’t ask me to.” I have had Christians say this to me, “I just can’t forgive this person.” Now there is a sense in which this is true. You cannot, you really cannot forgive them. Why? Because forgiveness is Step #2 and you have not done Step #1 yet. You cannot take Step #2 until you have done Step #1, that is for sure. Number 1 is to put away this wrong attitude. There are always two problems involved whenever a Christian holds a grudge or feels resentment against someone else. There is the situation that caused your feeling, that is one problem. But there is a closer, more immediate problem, and that is your reaction to this, your attitude toward him. That is where the Christian always has to start. This is our difficulty. We always want to start with the problem that caused the situation, that caused our feeling. But God says, No, first remove the beam that is in your own eye, then you will see clearly how to remove the mote that is in your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:3-4, Luke 6:41-42). Start with yourself, first. What is your attitude toward this other person? That is where you must start.

First, put away bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander and malice. Put it away. This is where the difficulty comes. When we get right down to that place we discover, oftentimes to our own shock, that we do not want to do it. We want to be bitter, we want to be vengeful; we enjoy it. We want to make people squirm. We want to make them crawl back to us and ask our forgiveness. We want revenge, that is what we are after. Why? Because if we talk to them about it, it will all be brought out in the open and the thing will be settled, and we do not want it settled. Someone senses our coldness, our inward fury, our silent, frozen attitude and says, “What’s the matter?” And we lie, and say “Nothing, nothing’s the matter.” “Oh, I know something’s the matter or you wouldn’t act this way. What’s the matter?” “OK, nothing!” Until finally we are driven to open up.

Why are we so reluctant? Because we enjoy it. That is what the Word of God reveals. These things are pleasurable to us, and this is where the problem lies. If we will obey God and put them away, then immediately the Holy Spirit who dwells within, whose task it is to give us that character of Jesus Christ which made him the worlds most attractive man, will immediately begin to release to us the tenderheartedness and the kindness of Christ and we can forgive as God in Christ forgave us. That is a wonderful measuring stick, is it not? Forgive, as God in Christ forgave you.

From AllAboutGod.com:

Learning to forgive implies that forgiveness is a learned process, not an automatic response. Our sinful nature (our flesh) has a high resistance to laying offenses aside. It prefers to take on an offense and use the energy that the offense brings with it, in every negative way. Every part of our un-renewed mind, our carnal mind, has a preference to take on an offense and a propensity to hold grudges, and seek its own sense of justice. Within the carnal mind, retaliation is most often not an option, but rather it’s a driving force, it has to get even! Our flesh, unrenewed, unbridled, lacking illumination and understanding, prefers to be judge, jury, and executioner of the offender even when that offender is our own self.

From LearningtoForgive.com. This page has a lot of weird stuff, but also gives a few good steps to forgiving people. I am only quoting a few, because I think the other ones are stupid (IMHO):

Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.

Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that upset you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”

And this is my favorite:

Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years –ago.

Technorati Tags: forgiveness