Gothpel
Sep 30, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD:
//ITUNES: Mad World from the album “Donnie Darko Complete Soundtrack” by Michael Andrews
Thanks to Ochuck for this:
Forgiveness
Sep 30, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD:
//ITUNES: Just a Closer Walk With Thee by The Mars Hillbillies
Because of the notes I have received on the forgiveness message, and because of a few new ones I have received since posting yesterday, I have been surfing around, reading more on forgiveness online. Here are a few things I have run across.
From Ray Stedman, a pastor who has a lot of cool stuff out there:
“Well,” someone says, “you don’t know what I’m up against. You don’t know what so-and-so has done to me. If you were in my shoes you wouldn’t be able to forgive, either. I can’t forgive, don’t ask me to.” I have had Christians say this to me, “I just can’t forgive this person.” Now there is a sense in which this is true. You cannot, you really cannot forgive them. Why? Because forgiveness is Step #2 and you have not done Step #1 yet. You cannot take Step #2 until you have done Step #1, that is for sure. Number 1 is to put away this wrong attitude. There are always two problems involved whenever a Christian holds a grudge or feels resentment against someone else. There is the situation that caused your feeling, that is one problem. But there is a closer, more immediate problem, and that is your reaction to this, your attitude toward him. That is where the Christian always has to start. This is our difficulty. We always want to start with the problem that caused the situation, that caused our feeling. But God says, No, first remove the beam that is in your own eye, then you will see clearly how to remove the mote that is in your brother’s eye (Matthew 7:3-4, Luke 6:41-42). Start with yourself, first. What is your attitude toward this other person? That is where you must start.
First, put away bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander and malice. Put it away. This is where the difficulty comes. When we get right down to that place we discover, oftentimes to our own shock, that we do not want to do it. We want to be bitter, we want to be vengeful; we enjoy it. We want to make people squirm. We want to make them crawl back to us and ask our forgiveness. We want revenge, that is what we are after. Why? Because if we talk to them about it, it will all be brought out in the open and the thing will be settled, and we do not want it settled. Someone senses our coldness, our inward fury, our silent, frozen attitude and says, “What’s the matter?” And we lie, and say “Nothing, nothing’s the matter.” “Oh, I know something’s the matter or you wouldn’t act this way. What’s the matter?” “OK, nothing!” Until finally we are driven to open up.
Why are we so reluctant? Because we enjoy it. That is what the Word of God reveals. These things are pleasurable to us, and this is where the problem lies. If we will obey God and put them away, then immediately the Holy Spirit who dwells within, whose task it is to give us that character of Jesus Christ which made him the worlds most attractive man, will immediately begin to release to us the tenderheartedness and the kindness of Christ and we can forgive as God in Christ forgave us. That is a wonderful measuring stick, is it not? Forgive, as God in Christ forgave you.
From AllAboutGod.com:
Learning to forgive implies that forgiveness is a learned process, not an automatic response. Our sinful nature (our flesh) has a high resistance to laying offenses aside. It prefers to take on an offense and use the energy that the offense brings with it, in every negative way. Every part of our un-renewed mind, our carnal mind, has a preference to take on an offense and a propensity to hold grudges, and seek its own sense of justice. Within the carnal mind, retaliation is most often not an option, but rather it’s a driving force, it has to get even! Our flesh, unrenewed, unbridled, lacking illumination and understanding, prefers to be judge, jury, and executioner of the offender even when that offender is our own self.
From LearningtoForgive.com. This page has a lot of weird stuff, but also gives a few good steps to forgiving people. I am only quoting a few, because I think the other ones are stupid (IMHO):
Know exactly how you feel about what happened and be able to articulate what about the situation is not OK. Then, tell a trusted couple of people about your experience.
Forgiveness does not necessarily mean reconciliation with the person that upset you, or condoning of their action. What you are after is to find peace. Forgiveness can be defined as the “peace and understanding that come from blaming that which has hurt you less, taking the life experience less personally, and changing your grievance story.”
And this is my favorite:
Get the right perspective on what is happening. Recognize that your primary distress is coming from the hurt feelings, thoughts and physical upset you are suffering now, not what offended you or hurt you two minutes – or ten years –ago.
Technorati Tags: forgiveness
Lyrics of the Day
Sep 30, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD:
//ITUNES: Feel from the album “Escapology” by Robbie Williams
“Feel” by Robbie Williams
Come and hold my hand
I wanna contact the living
Not sure I understand
This role I’ve been given
I sit and talk to God
And he just laughs at my plans
My head speaks a language
I don’t understand
I just want to feel real love
Feel the home that I live in
‘Cause I got too much life
Running through my veins
Going to waste
Forgiveness
Sep 29, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD:
//ITUNES: Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash
A few weeks ago, I taught on forgiveness at Riverview. The reaction has been quite interesting. I have been wanting to post a few thoughts on it here and haven’t had the time.
As part of the service, we had people write down the names of people in their past who had hurt them / sinned against them. Then, at the end of the service, we invited them to write “forgiven” over each name and rip the paper up, throwing it on the stage. The effect was pretty cool to watch people’s faces as they walked to the stage and threw down their papers. Here’s a picture Josh snapped with his camera phone:
If you would like a copy of the message you can download it here.
You can find the Marjorie Fair video we played by clicking here.
You can find Ray Pritchard’s book on forgiveness by clicking here.
Since that weekend, a lot of people have sent me notes (and posted on their blogs) and I want to share a few here. Normally, I don’t do anything like this, but this time the notes really stuck me. I have removed any names/specific events and I have edited these for length. I know this will still be a long post, but I think that is OK.
I also think it is best if I don’t give any commentary, so I will leave you to chew on people’s thoughts. I think it is mind-boggling to think about both the power of forgiveness and how difficult it is.
I find it really hard to forgive my father and family for the abuse…. really nasty abuse…. extreme abuse they did to me…. Im trying to understand how I do that with what they did to me…
…Everyone was given a read sheet of paper that they were to write the
names of people who had wronged them and things that
had been done to them that they had not yet forgiven.
Everyone was given lots of time to write things down.
Strange as it seems, I could not think of a single
person that had wronged me that I had not forgiven.
When ever someone has done something to me, I usually
forgive them within 24 hours. It is really hard for me
to hold a grudge, be upset, or even angry at someone
for more than that…Noel came back
to stand, chat, and otherwise do a quick once over of
the crowd. It was as he patted me on the shoulder that I realized that there
was one person I have never forgiven… myself. No
matter what I did or didn’t do, I would never forgive
myself. I would always dwell on things that were so
trivial that most people wouldn’t give a second
thought. Even if someone would forgive me, inside I
would still have this uneasy feeling in my heart, that
something was wrong. So I realized that I was always
more concerned with other people’s pain and not mine.
I really loved the quote that they had:“Forgiveness is the fragrance that a violet gives the
heel that crushes it.” Mark TwainSo instead of writing down people who had wronged me
in the past, I decided to write MYSELF in big letters
on the paper. Even though it was a simple piece of
paper with one word written on it, tearing that paper
was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in
awhile.
I had some people and some events written on my piece of red paper. It was pretty easy to forgive some of them, but I wasn’t able to forgive my mom and dad (I wrote them separately) or myself. I felt as though I could have ripped up my paper and walked up front and thrown it on the stage, but it wouldn’t have been genuine. I hadn’t forgiven my parents in my heart. I was sitting by myself (which was probably a good thing) and I was contemplating my level of forgiveness. I loved Noel’s definitions of forgiveness from Ray Pritchard. I felt more comfortable with the fact that forgiveness didn’t mean everything had to be perfect, yet I still wasn’t able to forgive in my heart.
I also wasn’t able to forgive myself for so many of my faults. I feel it’s almost selfish to forgive myself. I know that Noel said if you don’t forgive people, then you inherit their pain. I deserve my own pain for my own sins and shortcomings. How do I forgive myself????
anyways my question comes with todays service on forgivness. this has been something i have been trying to deal with for a bit now. you make it sound so easy just to rip a piece of paper and call it good. in reality it is that easy. how do you do it to the ones that are, as you suggested in todays service, so far away. that is my one diffucult one that i am trying to work on. everytime i think i am getting closer something happens and seems to go back some distance. whats a suggestion for this if you have any? i do understand the keep on forgiving not just 7 times but 70X7 times and i keep trying that but the anger that goes with it is what i am trying to deal with. am i to understand it will get easier or is this another issue?
Good sermon today on forgiveness. I only wrote one name on the red piece of paper today;God. When I pray to God I expect answers, yet my prayer for both a spouse or job have gone unanswered. Generally people do not intentionally hurt other people, but people often have different expectations (often unspoken, like he/she will change for me etc.) before embarking on an adventure (I believe life is just a series of adventures) and when expectations are not met, the aggrieved party often feels resentment or anger. My expectation when I pray is that my prayer(s) will be answered, thus, disappointment and frustration when unmet.
I believe that God forgives sins, but I like the image I once read of a farmer’s explanation to his son of the result of sin. The farmer took his son to the barn and drove a nail into the door jam of the tack room and said to his son that the nail represented a sin, and every nail he drove in represented a different sin. The farmer then said, when God forgives you the sin is removed, and the farmer proceded to remove the nails. The astute boy observed that even though the nail was removed, a hole remained where the nail had been. Thus, although you are fogiven, the effect, or consequence, of the sin remains; I found this vivid imagery very effective in my mind on the consequences and forgiveness of sin.
…I liked the whole “come throw your red stuff on stage” even though I wrote on my paper, God I can’t forgive them yet, but help me. I come from a charismatic background and although I obviously have some theological disagreements with some things from them, I did enjoy how we all “came up” front and were involved in the service actively - it reminded me of the positive aspects of my spiritual roots. That is very soul healing I think, to come up and do something physcial.
…there were probably 5 people scattered near where I was sitting that were on their knees. I have never seen this before at Riv and was extrodinarily touched. My heart ached for my brothers and sisters in that room who have been hurt in so many different ways. And my heart ached for myself and my own hurts and although I thought I had dealt with this forgiveness thing, I learned there were a couple of other people on the red paper list I needed to forgive as well . Then, to my astonishment, I found myself writing “I forgive you God”. “I forgive you God”. and I couldnt stop crying because who am I that I should be forgiving God???? He knows I get angry with Him sometimes. I have talked to Him about this anger. But never in my wildest dreams did I realize I had to forgive God too. It seems ludicrous.
By the end of the message, I was just left with this sense of how from Genesis to Revelation there is this one gigantic thing that everything else hinges on and that is FORGIVENESS. Without it, you may as well throw away the bible. OT and NT. That is the ultimate theme. The crux. The center, the cornerstone. It is our being made right with God by the forgiveness of sin through the sacrificial blood of the Lamb. Once. For all. And while this certainly isnt new to me, tonight it struck me to my very marrow.
God was in that place tonight Noel. He was busy. Many hearts were touched…..as evidenced by all the torn up red paper on the stage.
Technorati Tags: marjoriefair, forgiveness
First Trio “Married” in The Netherlands
Sep 29, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Romantic
//ITUNES: Come What May from the album “Moulin Rouge” by Nicole Kidman & Ewan McGregor
From The Brussels Journal, here is an article on the first legal “Trio Wedding.” The only thing more interesting then the wedding pic (featuring an oddly Dr. Evilesque groom) is the italicized portion:
“A marriage between three persons is not possible in the Netherlands, but a civil union is. We went to the notary in our marriage costume and exchanged rings. We consider this to be just an ordinary marriage.”
Asked by journalists to tell the secret of their peculiar relationship, Victor explained that there is no jealousy between them. “But this is because Mirjam and Bianca are bisexual. I think that with two heterosexual women it would be more difficult.” Victor stressed, however, that he is “a one hundred per cent heterosexual” and that a fourth person will not be allowed into the “marriage.” They want to take their marriage obligations seriously: “to be honest and open with each other and not philander.”
Technorati Tags: netherlands, civilunions
Chair
Sep 29, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Comfy
//ITUNES: They from the album “Finally Woken” by Jem
I have a chair!
This is very exciting for me. I work in an empty classroom at the church 2 days a week or so. The other days, I am around town or whatever. Anyhoo, I have been sitting in a folding metal chair for a long time and it has begun to take its toll on my back. So I went to Office Max and bought a chair.
I like it a lot.
My back likes it a lot.
Now hopefully little kids don’t destroy it.
Sep 29, 2005 Uncategorized
Ok. New rule. If you have a christian bumper sticker on your car, dont drive 20 miles an hour in a 45.
Scary
Sep 27, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Scared
//NOISE: Kids chewing
Here’s a disturbing quote from George F. Will in this month’s Imprimis (my light bathroom reading):
“This year, seven million seaborn shipping containers will pass through our ports. About five percent will be given cursory examination. About 30,000 trucks crossed our international borders today. If this was a normal day, about 21,000 pounds of cocaine, marijuana, and heroin were smuggled into our country. How hard would it be then, to smuggle in a football-sized lump of highly enriched uranium sufficient to make a ten-kiloton nuclear weapon to make Manhattan uninhabitable for a hundred years?”
Fasting
Sep 27, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Hungry
//ITUNES: Save Me from the album “Magnolia Soundtrack” by Aimee Mann
Someone recently emailed me regarding fasting. His specific question was:
Could you please explain to me the “why” and the “when” of fasting?
I get this question from time to time, so I figured I would post my response here.
Fasting is not something that is required of Christians. However, we do see that Christians do fast in a variety of situations in the Bible. For instance, we see in Acts 13-14 that the Christians fasted before they made important decisions. Fasting is usually linked with one of two things in the Bible: Mourning and Prayer. I can’t think of any New Testament time when fasting included mourning. I think in the season we are living in, there is no need for that. In the same way that we wouldn’t rip our clothes and sit on a pile of ashes, we don’t need to fast in order to mourn.
As far as fasting and prayer are concerned, the purpose is to take the focus off of something earthly (i.e. - food) and use that time to pray instead. When I have fasted, I find that when I get hungry (always), I grab a bottle of water, take a walk and pray. I use the hunger pains as a reminder to pray and focus on God. In the Bible, fasting is almost always from food. I know people who fast from other stuff (TV…internet…whatever) and use that the same way.
Remember, too, that God isn’t impressed with us when we fast, etc. He is concerned with our hearts and our motivations is stuff like this. Jesus said in Matthew 6: “And when you fast, don’t make it obvious, as the hypocrites do, who try to look pale and disheveled so people will admire them for their fasting. I assure you, that is the only reward they will ever get. But when you fast, comb your hair and wash your face. Then no one will suspect you are fasting, except your Father, who knows what you do in secret. And your Father, who knows all secrets, will reward you. ” Fasting isn’t something we do to impress God or other people.
As far as when I have fasted, it is usually when I really need God’s wisdom on something. There have been times when all the pastors have fasted together in order to really pray together for something or to ask God’s direction.
Technorati Tags: fasting
Church Salaries
Sep 27, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Hmmmm
//ITUNES: Write It On The Wall from the album “Big Talk” by Edin-Adahl
Surfing around this morning, I found a few interesting posts from the new book 2006 Compensation Handbook for Church Staff. The posts are here: Senior Pastor Salaries and Other Church Staff Salaries. These averages are very interesting. Since Riverview doesn’t have a senior pastor (or we have 5 of them depending on how you want to look at it), this can get a bit weird. Also, on of our pastors (Mark) is totally volunteer. Anyhoo, I want to list some averages for giggles. I will list both the Senior Pastor and Associate Pastor salaries for each. I am interested in getting the book, if for no other reason to see the methodology and job descriptions of all of the listed roles. Realize that each of these averages includes base salary, housing or parsonage allowance, retirement contribution, life and health insurance payments, and educational funds:
Average Senior Pastor Pay: $77,000
Average Associate Pastor Pay: $64,000
They also break it down by church size. For a church Riverview’s size, it would be (realizing we are young, and therefore poor so this doesn’t exactly work):
>1000 in weekly attendance
Average Senior Pastor Pay: $116,000
Average Associate Pastor Pay: $82,000
Of course, here is an interesting caveat that would definitely apply to Riverview:
About half of all associate pastors serve in churches with an average annual budget of over one million dollars. And salary packages didn’t reach the national average for most associate positions in church with an annual budget of less than $900,000.
I think I will order this book. I’ll let you know if any interesting things pop up.
(Thanks to Josh for the link.)
Technorati Tags: church
Quote of the Day
Sep 27, 2005 Quotes
//MOOD: Decent
//ITUNES: Mr. Brightside from the album “Hot Fuss (Deluxe Edition)” by The Killers
“We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones.”
- Francois de La Rochefoucauld
Dolphins are Cool
Sep 27, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Great
//ITUNES: Pop Song 89 from the album “Green” by R.E.M.
If this is true, it is freakin’ awesome.
Armed and dangerous - Flipper the firing dolphin let loose by Katrina:
It may be the oddest tale to emerge from the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.
Experts who have studied the US navy’s cetacean training exercises claim the 36 mammals could be carrying ‘toxic dart’ guns. Divers and surfers risk attack, they claim, from a species considered to be among the planet’s smartest. The US navy admits it has been training dolphins for military purposes, but has refused to confirm that any are missing.
Technorati Tags: dolphins
Marques de Caceres
Sep 26, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Goodish
//ITUNES: Oh What A World from the album “Want One” by Rufus Wainwright
A month or so ago, a couple friends gave us a great bottle of wine. I figured I would review it here for you. It’s a 2001 Marques de Caceres Crianza
This was my first foray into Spanish wines. I have a friend who is a missionary (and wine maker) in Spain and he swears it is some of the best in the world. Anyway, this wine was great. My only regret is that I didn’t have it with a meal. Kyle and Melissa were over, so we drank it as we watched a movie (”The Village” if you care). It was a very full wine that made we want to bite chunks of steak in between bites.
Grace hated it. Truly a good sign for a wine.
Technorati Tags: marquesdecaceres, wine
The Next Generation Leader
Sep 26, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Still thinking about shopping for a chair
//ITUNES: Freedom Fighters from the album “Freedom Fighters - Single” by The Music
While Emma and I were traveling, I read “The Next Generation Leader” by Andy Stanley. Not a bad read. If you are looking for a starter book on leadership (i.e. - you are a young leader or aspiring leader), this is a great read. For everyone else, it is a great summary. The best thing to do is go to the bookstore, read the highlighted sections and the chapter summaries and you will be golden. If you want to buy it, though, please do it through the link above and support Riverview.
Here are some of my favorite quotes:
“In leadership, success is succession. If someone coming along behind me is not able to take what I have offered and build on it, then I have failed in my responsibility to the next generation.”
“Perhaps the two best-kept secrets of leadership are these:
1. The less you do, the more you accomplish.
2. The less you do, the more you enable others to accomplish.”
“There is no need to become an expert in, or even to understand, every component of your organization, When you try to exercise authority within a department that is outside your core competencies, you will hinder everything and everyone under your watch…Leaders who are successful in one arena often assume competency in arenas where in fact they have none. As a result, they miss opportunities to leverage their strengths…Successful leaders tend to assume that their core competencies are broader than they actually are.”
“In the realm of the intangible, it takes longer to recognize your brilliance or your stupidity. When you make decisions in the realm of business philosophy, values, mission, and marketing, you are forced to lead for long periods of time without the benefit of knowing whether you are actually going in the right direction.”
Another Quote
Sep 26, 2005 Quotes
//MOOD: Moody
//ITUNES: Where Would I Be? from the album “Prolonging The Magic” by Cake
“We set young leaders up for a fall if we encourage them to envision what they can do before they consider the kind of person they should be.”
- R. Ruth Barton
Quote of the Day
Sep 26, 2005 Quotes
//MOOD: Good
//ITUNES: Sweetness Follows from the album “Automatic For The People” by R.E.M.
“Leaders must challenge the process precisely because any system will unconsciously conspire to maintain the status quo and prevent change.”
- James M. Kouzes
Working…Kinda
Sep 26, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Kinda
//ITUNES: Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode
Ever have one of those days where you have a lot of scattered stuff to do and so you have a hard time getting started on any of it?
Yeah. That’s me today.
I might go buy a chair instead of working.
Emma’s flight
Sep 26, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Same
//ITUNES: Feel Like Makin Love from the album “Softly With These Songs The Best of Roberta Flack” by Roberta Flack
Emma narrates her first plane ride (that she remembers) on this video.
Daytona in Pictures
Sep 26, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Good, thanks…except my stomach…not so good there
//ITUNES: Snow Day from the album “Tails” by Lisa Loeb & Nine Stories
Well. Emma and I made it home. Here is a little summary, illustrated by some pictures we took.
This is my favorite “from the plane picture” Emma took on the way down.
We spent the first day there with my friend Chris and his daughter Lydia. The girls stayed up until 12:30 am and were still up early enough to be dressed alike and putting makeup on before I got up at 7:45. We spent the day at Downtown Disney.
The Lego store had this amazing wall of Lego People with this moving monkey that carried a magnifying glass.
On our way to Daytona, we stopped at the Daytona Speedway.
Our hotel had its good and bad points. Good was the view. From the hallway outside our room:
From our room:
And it had its bad points. Mostly, being ghetto-fabulous. Here is the view if you looked down:
Only one elevator worked and that one broke down on the second day there. We kinda ended up regretting asking for a room on the 7th floor.
Oh, I almost forgot, here’s our rental car:
Overall, though, the trip was a blast. We had fun hanging out, swimming in the ocean, shopping in Harley accessory stores. The people at the conference were cool, too. We met quite a few people between the sessions, so that was cool. It was the world’s fastest retreat (started at 8pm on Friday, ended at noon on Saturday), so it was hard to connect too well. It was cool, nonetheless.
OK, now off to sort through my email. Fun times.
Technorati Tags: daytona
Spam Attack
Sep 26, 2005 Uncategorized
//MOOD: Awake
//NOISE: Emma
I got hit with a minor spam attack while I was gone this weekend. 20 or so messages. So, as a reminder: links to porn and the like (I would put specific words here, but don’t want the search engines finding me) are not condoned by me. I will try to hunt down the spam and delete it later today.
Ciao.
