NoelHeikkinen.com

On some Tuesdays, I go back into the archives and dig up something that still relates today. For the next 5 weeks, I am going to repost the Top 5 Posts from 2011.  Today’s post is #2 and it comes from December 8, 2011.

Today is my 40th birthday.

40.

The big 4-0.

There is absolutely no definition of the word “young” that applies to me anymore. Because of my newfound old age, I figured I would offer you 40 little nuggets of wisdom I have accumulated over the past 40 years. These appear in no order whatsoever because I am too old to attempt that sort of mental task.

1) No matter how old you are, you feel younger that you really are.
2) Spend time getting better at your strengths rather than getting better at your weaknesses (unless your weaknesses are sins).
3) Never say “never.”
4) Never say “always.”
5) God is faithful, even when you are not.
6) You will always remember what it felt like to drive your first car (this was mine).
7) I am rich – “An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.” (Proverbs 31:10)
8) You can’t talk about Jesus enough.
9) Take time to read everyday.
10) Complexity is good thing in cigars, coffee, beer, Scotch, and a wife.
11) This may be a midlife crisis thing, but my next car will be one I really enjoy driving.
12) When you are tempted to think, “I’ll become a better parent/spouse/whatever tomorrow,” you are wrong. Start today instead.
13) Your only hope in becoming a better parent/spouse/whatever is Jesus – focus more on him today.
14) The longer you are married to the same person, the better the sex is.
15) The longer you are married to the same person, the more you see your own sin.
16) The longer you are married to the same person, the more you are tempted to focus on your spouse’s sin instead of your own.
17) Play catch with your boys today. You still “won’t have time” tomorrow.
18) Hold your daughter’s hand as long as she will let you get away with it.
19) Kiss your kids on the head no matter how old they are.
20) Spend the extra money for comfortable shoes…or insoles.
21) Be yourself in preaching, dressing, and all other style related stuff. Copycats are really only fakes.
22) Exercise even if you hate it.
23) Eat healthy even if you hate it.
24) Drink good beer. Bad beer is at best empty calories, at worst a sin.
25) Run like a kid sometimes, preferably with kids.
26) Read at least one Bible verse a day.
27) Travel.
28) Smile at strangers.
29) Hold doors for people, most of them will be shocked.
30) Really remember Jesus when you take communion.
31) Ask “why?”
32) Treat your wife like a daughter of the King.
33) Treat your daughter like a Princess.
34) Treat your sons like men.
35) Discipline your children because you love them.
36) Discipline your children like you love them.
37) Check your fly before you preach.
38) When possible, try not to offend nor be offended.
39) Even when trying to eat healthy, have some bacon now and then.
40) Beards are epic, but they make you look older.  Mine makes me look like I’m in my 40′s. Oh snap.

Resources

Buy this book on Amazon.com

Buy the Kindle Version for only $.99

Watch the video from this weekend’s teaching.

On some Tuesdays, I go back into the archives and dig up something that still relates today. For the next 5 weeks, I am going to repost the Top 5 Posts from 2011.  Today’s post is #3 and it comes from November 7, 2011.

Sex.

There are few topics that are trickier to teach on in the church.

As I walked to the stage at Riv this past weekend, I knew I would be addressing miserably married couples, adulterers, virgins, porn addicts, engaged couples, and happily married couples to mention just a few.  And they all have one thing in common: it’s as uncomfortable for them to hear me talk about their sex lives as it is for me to do it.

It’s funny that in a culture that is so obsessed with sex, we find it difficult to honestly talk about it in the church.  Quite frankly, there is no better place since we worship the God who invented the thing.

I snuck a peak at my email and Facebook messages last night (something I try not to do until Tuesday) to see if the email traffic matched the in person conversations I had this weekend… It did.

I had the requisite conservative Christians who were concerned I talked too frankly.

I had the standard response from the parent of a gay man who emails me each time sex is mentioned during the sermon.

But the overwhelming response seems to be coming from two groups of people:

Young people who are making big time commitments to sexual purity. - It has been incredibly encouraging to hear the stories from single people, dating couples, and engaged couples who spent time this weekend crafting plans to keep their marriage bed pure.  Most inspiring are those who have been sexually active but are taking the Bible’s words to heart and are making a change.

Old married people who said, “Amen!” - A stream of married couples shared both their stories of failure and their stories of success.  The constant refrains were, “I wish I had heeded this message,” “I wish I had heard this message,” or “I am so glad to be married to my best friend who I get to have a lot of sex with!”

What an exhausting and encouraging weekend.  And it’s just the start; we have three more messages to go dealing with singleness, marriage, and divorce.  I’m looking forward to seeing what God does at Riv through his Word.

If you didn’t get a chance to hear this weekend’s message on sex, you can download the audio here or watch the video here.

On some Tuesdays, I go back into the archives and dig up something that still relates today. For the next 5 weeks, I am going to repost the Top 5 Posts from 2011.  Today’s post is #4 and it comes from December 7, 2011 (yes, a post from December clocked in at #4 for the whole year).  This post is particularly poignant because the book has now come out to incredibly mixed reviews.  

Two weeks ago at Riv, I quoted from three fantastic books on the topic of marriage.  I have already reviewed two of the books (Sheet Music by Kevin Leman and  The Meaning of Marriage: by Timothy and Kathy Keller) and today I am reviewing the final book, Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll.

Overview

If you Google my name, one of the top responses will be an interview I gave the late Michael Spencer about Mark Driscoll back in 2007.*  In this interview, we talked about Driscoll’s confession of exhaustion, health problems, and how his growing church was affecting him personally.  At the time, I was encouraged that he appeared to be taking steps to make sure his ministry had longevity.  In Real Marriage, Driscoll gives a behind the scenes look at his life during that season and the impact it had on his marriage.  Further, he details the steps he and his wife took to make sure their marriage and ministry didn’t go down the tubes.  As a public figure, he lays his life honestly on the table (likely facing unfair scrutiny) in order to help anyone who is willing to pick up the book.

Real Marriage is the perfect second punch to the Kellers’ first we looked at last week.  In fact, I would recommend that couples consider reading these books back to back.  The Kellers really help us understand why we have marriage in the first place and what a Christian marriage should look like.  The Driscolls pick up at this point and give biblical advice on how to develop that type of marriage.

The similarities between these books are striking, even as their styles are world’s apart.  Each emphasizes the need for both an emotional / spiritual relationship (being best friends) and a intimate physical relationship (being lovers).  They both tackle selfishness head on and expose it as the #1 enemy of marriage.  Driscoll’s chapter on “Selfish Lovers and Servant Lovers” is the best chapter on marriage I have ever read.  Most struggling couples I have counseled merely need to read these pages again and again and repent of their selfish ways.

What did I like most about the book?

This book is unabashedly Biblical.  Mark and Grace present the unvarnished truths of Scripture in language that is very accessible to both men and women.  They challenge married couples to up their game without piling on the guilt.  The fact that they are willing to lay their own marriage on the altar of public criticism makes their message all the more palatable for even those who would criticize them.  I suspect that even those who don’t follow Jesus would find their challenges compelling.  A short section on fighting as friends is worth the price of the book alone.

The Driscolls spill a good amount of ink on the topic of sex in Real Marriage.  These sections are very frank, but not crass (which is a delicate balance often missed this days).  The chapter on porn is the single best chapter on that issue I have ever read and I recommend it to any man (or woman for that matter) who struggles in this area.

Would I recommend the book?

Absolutely.  Pre-order it today since it doesn’t come out until January.  Read the Kellers’ book first, then dive into this one after the holidays.

Key Quotes (These are from an Advance Reader’s Copy.  When the final copy of the book comes out, I will edit this section with any changes.)

“It is common to hear married people speak of ‘falling out of love’ with their spouses, and ‘falling in love’ with someone else in adultery.  In using the language of ‘falling’ they are cleverly avoiding any responsibility, as if they were simply required to follow their hearts.”

“…the husband gets to decide when he feels disrespected, and the wife needs to honor that.  And the wife gets to decide when she feels unloved, and the husband needs to honor that.”

“You will sin against your spouse, and your spouse will sin against you.  Couples who claim to never fight are either lying or living completely passionless, independent, parallel lives, so emotionally distant that hurting each other is virtually impossible.  You will fight.  The question is, will you fight well to the glory of God and the good of your marriage?”

“Much like a sexual predator who grooms the young and naive, pop culture with its increasing pornification is grooming young people for sexual sin and sexual assault.”